Leaving You Behind
by Yazzy
Summary: R for safety a little bit of swearing and a couple of sexual references. Basically, this fic is about Tala and how he deals with the news that he is going to die. Yaoi, BryanTala.
1. Chapter One

Hi all. This is going to be my first continuation fic (Listen To the Radio doesn't really count). My friend Fire Fairy asked me to dedicate this chapter to her kittens, Fabian and Phineas, who were killed a few weeks ago. So, I dedicate the first chapter of my fic to them, and hope they're enjoying kitty heaven.

* * *

"Tala?" 

"Go away."

"Tala, what's wrong?"

"I said go away."

"Are you...crying?"

"When I said go away, Bryan, I meant 'go away', not 'stay and ask me stupid questions'!"

Bryan sat down beside Tala and looked over at him, puzzled. "Why are you crying?"

"It's none of your business, okay?" Yelled Tala, hiding his face behind his hands. He sniffed and stifled a sob, and Bryan stared at him, shocked to see Tala being so...emotional...

He reached out a hand and touched Tala's arm. Tala slapped it away and got up, going to the window and looking out. "Tala..."

"Leave me alone..."

"I can't leave you alone when you're like this! Why don't you tell me what's wrong...maybe I can help..."

"Bryan...I...I..." Tala collapsed against the window and sobbed helplessly. "I'm going to die Bryan..."

"What!"

Tala turned, eyes red and swollen, face marked with tears. "I'm...I'm going to die...they said..." He sniffed loudly and took a few deep breaths. "I only have a couple of months left..." He degenerated into sobs again. Bryan stared at him, almost not believing it.

"What?" He asked again, quieter. Tala turned away again, as if he couldn't bear to look at Bryan any more.

"I...I went for a check-up yesterday...a-and...the d-doctor said...when they experimented on me...they...they..." Tala gave a choking sob. "The cells in my heart and lungs are mutating...and there's no way of them doing a-a t-transplant! I...Bryan...I'm not ready to die!"

Bryan simply gaped at him. "A-Are you serious?" Tala nodded, turned, and leaned back against the wall, sliding to the floor.

"I don't want to die...I don't w-want to die, Bryan!" He curled himself up into a little ball of misery. "I don't want to die..." The sight of him so upset made Bryan go over and kneel down beside him, folding his arms around Tala and holding the sobbing redhead against his chest. Tala cried loudly, drowning out all other noise with his sadness, soaking Bryan's shoulder with tears. Bryan just held him, dazed.

"But Tala...you...you can't die..."

"I -am- dying Bryan! Even while I talk to you bits of me are changing and attacking each other! I'm tearing myself apart!" Wailed Tala. He sniffed and clutched at Bryan. "I don't want to die...I don't...I don't want to die..." He said, whispering the plea like a mantra, as if it could somehow change reality and defy the inevitable.

* * *

Two days later, and Tala still hadn't told anyone else. He kept on acting just like he normally would, only occasionally he would be a little more...distant. Just that little bit more dreamy, that little bit less responsive. Bryan was sure that if he wasn't looking for differences he wouldn't have noticed it. He was shocked, then, when Tala decided to drop his little bombshell on Spencer and Ian over breakfast. "I'm going to die soon." He said, perfectly normally, as if he were asking for the orange juice or the paper. Spencer and Ian stared at him. "I'm going to die soon." Repeated Tala. "I only have a couple of months left." He swigged down the last of his cup of coffee and walked out, leaving Bryan to assure the other two that this was, indeed, the case. 

They went to look for him, and found him in his bedroom, looking into the mirror sadly. "I always wondered what I'd look like when I was older...I guess I'll never know now." He took a deep breath and turned to his friends. "I want you to know that I love you all...you're like family to me..." He said, eyes filling with tears. He opened his arms and they all huddled together in one big, painful hug. Tala started crying, stifled, muffled sobs that he found he couldn't control. "All I want is to be happy...until I...I..." He bit his lip. "Until I die." Bryan found tears filling his own eyes, and then spilling over.

"If there's anything..."

"No...not yet. I just know...I want to be as happy as I can be."

* * *

Word travelled, and before long everyone was talking about it. Tala smiled at everyone who wished him luck, or who said they'd miss him. Two days after he had told Spencer and Ian, he had told the Bladebreakers. He should have known Tyson couldn't keep a secret... When the phone had rung for the second time in as many minutes, and Lee had assured Tala that he -would- miss him, Tala disappeared. Bryan found him much later, laying under his bed. "Tala?" 

Tala tried to look up and hit his head off one of the slats. He wriggled out from under the bed and waved something in Bryan's face triumphantly. "It fell down there last night, and then I started reading it!" He smiled, then offered the small black book he was holding to Bryan.

"What is it?"

"It's my diary. I want you to read it."

"You...want me to read it?" Repeated Bryan stupidly. "Why?"

"I just do."

Bryan looked down at the book doubtfully. When he looked up Tala had already gone. He sat down on the bed and opened the book.

* * *

"I am Tala Ivanov. I am currently fifteen years old, and I live at Balkov Abbey in Russia. I was born in Koblinz, and moved to Moscow when I was eight. Then everything that had been good in the world was turned upside down. 

I don't remember much, but I know my mother died when I was ten. Then I lived on the streets. It sounds like a cliché, but I slept rough and ended up getting into prostitution. That was when I was twelve.

After that, I spent my life in a brothel. Most of the time I hated everyone who came in...but one time there was this really nice guy. He came every Thursday, and he always asked for me. He was called Morgan. He was about twenty something. Funny, really. I never knew all that much about him. Never asked him his favourite colour, or his exact age. I don't think he ever told me his surname, but it was a while ago. I don't really remember.

I don't really think it could be called dating, seeing as he paid eight hundred roubles for every hour he spent with me. Didn't matter to him, though. He was loaded. But I suppose after a while I started to...love him. He was...dependable. And then I found out that he came every night and shagged one person every night of the week. Yvan on Monday, Kuvan on Tuesday, Vladimir on Wednesday, and poor, stupid Tala on Thursdays.

After that, I told him I wasn't going to go with him any more and he changed Yvan to Thursdays and started shagging the manager on Mondays. And then of course he told him that I wasn't up to standard. Liar. He never complained until I told him I hated him. But I got thrown out. Now it had been a while since I'd really been on the streets. Couple of years, I think. So it was hard at first, but I knew from way back that if you don't get it quickly you get dead. Or raped, and my past experiences of that were...less than pleasant.

I was fourteen then, and while I was waifing around, some weird guy came up to me. He said his name was Boris Balkov, and that he could see a future for me. So I went with him. Wouldn't you? Well, I suppose you couldn't, seeing as you're a book, but I was freezing, starving, and I was desperate. After all, I didn't really think you could get lower than prostitution.

At first this abbey was a great place, but...then it changed. But I'm tired now, and I need to be up in the morning, so goodnight."

* * *

Bryan gaped down at the first page. Tala had written it in tiny writing, all squashed up on the page. He'd scrawled his initials at the bottom, and Bryan traced the letters wonderingly. Why had Tala given him this? Why had he allowed Bryan to read about something so...personal? He read back over the entry, blinking. Tala had been a prostitute? A gay prostitute? He had always had his doubts about Tala's sexual preferences, but... 

He turned the page.

* * *

"I think I should probably give you a name, but I refuse to indulge myself in stupid whims. You're a diary, and I'm only writing in you to stop myself from going insane. Everything in my life is just so full of...tension at the moment. For a start, Boris, my trainer, beats me up on a regular basis. The owner of the abbey rapes me. And I'm not allowed to tell anyone. And on top of that, training's hard. Physically and mentally. Plus, and this is the real bastard, I'm in love. 

His name is Bryan Kuznetsov. He's the second best after me. I'm not bragging or anything. It's not out of pride. It's just a fact. But anyway, about Bryan. He's a few months older than me, and he's taller and broader than me too. He has quite long hair, kind of a greyish purple, and his eyes are a sort of...well...I would say they were lavender. His nose turns up at the end and his hands are huge, much bigger than mine. He seems to have a thing for fur, too- on his boots and his collar.

To be frank, he's almost naive. He asked me what I'd been doing before we came here and I said "Working the streets." Which is the most general term I could find for prostitution. I wasn't ready to admit I'd lived in a brothel. By then I was ashamed of it. But he didn't get it anyway. He thought I was talking about pick pocketing, and I never told him otherwise. He's like me, sort of. He has no time for most people, but he respects me as his captain, and as such doesn't dare ignore me.

I didn't say about that, did I? I'm the captain of the abbey beyblading team, the Blitzkrieg team. I have no idea why Boris decided it was going to be Blitzkrieg- I mean, that's German, and we're a Russian team, but like I was saying, I'm the captain. Bryan's after me, and then a guy called Spencer, and then Ian.

And I'm in love with Bryan. But I can't tell him. Sucks, huh?

* * *

There was a line of ink scratched up the page at that point, from where Tala had obviously almost fallen asleep.

* * *

"I'm really tired now...so 'night."

* * *

Bryan gaped down at the page, then stood up. "Tala!" He called. Footsteps, and then Tala appeared in the doorway. Bryan waved the diary at him helplessly. "You...what...I...love?" He managed eventually. Then, "Prostitute?" Tala nodded. "Voltaire-!" Another nod. "You never told me!" 

"You never thought what you thought was wrong. I...didn't want to tell you. But now I want you to understand. I want you to know all about me before..." Tala took a deep breath. He was still getting to grips with the idea. "Before I die. And I'll warn you now, most of it's depressing. But it's all there. Everything. You probably don't want to...but...think of it as one of the last favours I'm ever going to ask you." Bryan was silent for a moment or two, then spoke.

"Now I understand why you weren't impressed when Spencer said he got laid..." Tala nodded.

"He got laid. Once. With a woman..." He pulled a face. "People say sex between a man and a woman is the best thing going, but sex with another man...it's better. So much better..." Bryan found himself blushing, and Tala sat down next to him, turning the page and reading his own writing with nosy interest. Bryan decided that he would continue reading.

* * *

"I haven't written in this diary for a long time. At the moment, we (the ex-Blitzkrieg team) are living in Moscow. At the -other- side, far away from the abbey. We got out of there ages ago, so now we're a solo team. It's good. Life's good. Well, pretty good anyway. No more Boris, no more Voltaire, and I'm captain so I decide how long and how hard we train. 

Bryan's still a problem, though. He never talks about women, and he never talks about men, so I can't work out if he's gay or not. It's hard to think of anyone so manly being gay, but when I was at the brothel, there were a few butch guys every now and then. It sometimes makes me angry, because I want to know if I have a chance with him, but then I remember that we're fifteen, or in his case, almost sixteen. Normal people are just finding out about sex now, and I guess that means that he's never thought about it all that much.

Spencer thinks he's so clever at the minute because he met some ugly girl and had sex with her. From what he says, they went to a cheap hotel. Can you say sleazy? Even most prostitutes have better taste, and treat their partners better. Or maybe it's just gay men? When I was first in the streets I went with a couple of women, but when I got into men I was hooked. Gay sex is addictive. Wonder what Bryan would say if he knew I was writing things like this?

Ah, who knows. But I do know that every time I look at him I have to fight down an urge to just grab him and kiss him until he melts. Thing is though, I often wonder if it would be different if I had sex with Bryan. Would it be like it used to be? Or would it be different because I actually love him? I used to think I loved Morgan, but the more I think about it, it was me wishing it was love. It was fake, and I can tell because what I feel about Bryan is so much stronger. I should really stop thinking the things I do, but...oh, what's the use? Night."

* * *

"Tala...I..." 

"Would it be so bad?" Tala's voice was low. "I'll be dead soon anyway. Don't you even want to know what it feels like-?" Bryan blinked.

"Tala..." Tala smiled sadly and got up.

"Maybe you should read the rest of it. I..." He walked to the door. "I'm sorry. I won't ask about it any more." And he was gone, leaving Bryan sat there, feeling like a burglar in Tala's room, stealing his secrets. He turned another page.

* * *

"Sometimes I wonder about my life. I wonder if perhaps...if things had been different...maybe I would be with Bryan now. Maybe...I wouldn't be gay. Maybe I wouldn't want to be with him. Sometimes I play around with fantasy universes in my head, but sooner or later you have to go back to being real again. 

But most of the time, real hurts. Especially when I remember that real means Bryan isn't... I don't know what he isn't, but I'm not with him in the way I want to be. Every time I look at him it hurts. Because I love him and I'll never be able to tell him how I feel. Maybe when we're older...much older...I'll tell him. Maybe by the time I'm old I won't feel as strongly about him. I...I can't write about this any more. Maybe I'll just give up this diary. I mean...what if he finds it? So... I suppose this is my last entry. Bye diary."

* * *

Bryan could have cried. He stood up, tucking the diary into his pocket. He crept downstairs and found Tala standing at the kitchen counter, dipping his finger in the sugar bowl and licking it, then dipping it in again. Bryan watched him for a second, then sneaked over behind him. He placed his hands on Tala's stomach, pressing up close behind him. He didn't quite know what to do then, so he moved his hands further round, crossing them across Tala's front. He kissed the back of Tala's neck gently and held him tighter. "Tala..." 

"Oh Bryan..." Whispered Tala. He leaned against Bryan, tears in his eyes. "Don't do this because you feel you have to...I..."

"Shh."

Tala turned, burrowing himself into Bryan's embrace as if Bryan could save him, as if Bryan had the power to take what was real and break it apart, then put it back together and make it right again. "Bryan..." Tala choked. "I'm scared...I'm so scared..."

"Tala..." Bryan stroked Tala's hair and cradled him close. Suddenly he felt an enormous pain in his chest and started to cry softly. "Tala...this isn't fair...there's no time..."

"There's time...there's a time and a place for everything under the sun...someone told me that once...and it's true. Oh Bryan...Bryan I love you...I don't want to go..."

"I don't want you to go...Tala..." Bryan grasped Tala's shoulders roughly and kissed him. It was a clumsy, inexperienced kiss, but it soon deepened until Tala and Bryan were laid across the table, kissing and crying and whispering to each other. Tala clutched at Bryan as if he were never going to let go, but in a second of agony Bryan realised that he would have to let go...that this life, this beautiful, wonderful person with whom he'd shared so much and yet so painfully little was going to be gone. Erased...winked out of existence like a bubble.

"Tala..." Bryan's hands ran along Tala's shoulders and down his arms, then up his back and neck, stroking over his cheeks and nose and eyes. He stood up off the table and caressed Tala's lips. "I wish-"

"Don't wish. There's not time for wishing. Whatever you want, ask for it and if I can give you it I will. If what they said was true I only have seven weeks left...I want them to be happy. And making you happy would make me happy. I want to leave you happy, Bryan."

"I don't want you to leave me at all, Tala..."

"But I have to...I've thought about it and thought about it, and I'm starting to accept it. But I'm scared. I haven't -done- anything yet. You've read far enough to see that my life has been a string of mistakes and I want to be happy before I die. I was never happy as a prostitute...I was never happy in the abbey...I've never been really happy..."

Bryan couldn't bear to hear it any more. He yanked Tala closer and closed his lips over the redhead's, cutting off the words he didn't want to hear. Tala pulled away tearfully. "Bryan...don't ignore it. I'm going to die. I won't be here any more."

"No!"

"I'm going to die!"

Bryan pulled away from him, horrified. "Why did you wait so long to tell me! Why couldn't you have SAID something! I don't want you to die! I want to learn about you! I want to grow old with you! I want you to be with me! How can you give me those feelings and then leave!" He yelled. Tala's lip quivered again and Bryan suddenly felt like a monster. "Tala..."

"I never meant to hurt you Bryan!" Wailed Tala. "I was scared! I've spent my life scared! I don't know when I haven't been! I couldn't tell you because I thought you'd reject me and then I would have DIED! NOT THAT IT WOULD MAKE A DIFFERENCE NOW!" He screamed. Bryan flinched and backed away.

"No...No..."

"IT'S NOT YOU WHO'S GOING TO DIE!" Bryan burst into tears and grabbed hold of Tala again

"I'm sorry...I'm so sorry..." He kissed Tala, hands clamped around Tala's upper arms, crushing the two of them together. Tala struggled away, rubbing his arms and whimpering. Bryan backed away from him, shaking his head. "I'm sorry..." He watched tears fill Tala's eyes. He had gone to try and comfort Tala and had only succeeded in hurting him. "I'm sorry..." He gazed into Tala's tear-filled eyes for a second and then ran.

* * *

So, what did you think? Good, bad, indifferent? Reviews would be appreciated! 


	2. Chapter Two

Thanks to everyone who reviewed the last chapter. This one isn't as long, but it does have a sort of lemon-esque scene… nothing graphic at all, just lots of hintyness. Seeing as I had a dedication last chapter, I'll have one for this as well: To all of the people who have reviewed any of my stories (this one and the others). Your reviews always make me feel better! Anyway, on with the chapter:

* * *

Tala was sitting on a chair he had dragged into the hall, miserable. Bryan hadn't come back yet. Tala was sitting watching the door, writing absently, eyes flickering between his notes and the door. Eventually it opened, but it was only Spencer. Tala felt his heart sink, but nodded and smiled vaguely, pretending to listen to what Spencer was saying. After a while Spencer walked away, leaving Tala sitting there.

With a small smile he realised he felt like Cinderella. Waiting for a carriage and Prince Charming. Though when he thought about it, Bryan was hardly charming. But when they had kissed... Tala had felt as if his heart were about to burst. And now he was waiting. And he felt as if he could easily wait forever.

* * *

Bryan wandered around the market, mind reeling. He ignored everyone around him and simply drifted. Tala loved him. And he was surprised to find that he loved Tala too. And yet he had hurt him. Pain wasn't what Tala needed right now. Tala needed someone to understand, to hold him and comfort him and be everything he needed. And Bryan wasn't sure that he could be that kind of person.

He saw a flash of red and white and thought for a second that it could be Tala, but it was only a cloth. Bryan looked at it longingly. He wanted Tala. He wanted Tala to be his, and to be Tala's in return. He nodded at the stall keeper. "How much?"

"Twenty roubles." Bryan dug in his pockets and then handed over the money, refusing his change as he walked away. He needed to be home. He needed to see Tala.

* * *

"Bryan?" Asked Tala breathlessly as Bryan poked his head around the door.

"Tala...I'm sorry...I...I don't want to hurt you..."

"I wasn't hurt. I...I just can't seem to stop crying now..."

"Come here." Bryan opened his arms wide and Tala ran into them. Bryan dropped the cloth he had bought to the floor and lifted Tala up into his arms. "I love you, Tala. And I want to be with you for as long as I can be. Even if that isn't very long..."

"Bryan..." Tala said, voice choked with emotion. Bryan kissed him gently and stroked his hair, fingers running softly through the silky strands.

"Shh, Tala. Shh, I'm here..."

"Don't leave me again..."

"I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I can't seem to help you..."

"Just don't leave me..." Tala whispered. He clung to Bryan desperately and then kissed him, a strong, fierce kiss that left Bryan's lips wet and swollen. He leaned back against the wall for support, moaning softly as Tala pried his lips open and ventured his tongue into Bryan's mouth, tasting and seeking and teasing and in effect driving Bryan mad with delight. "I've always wanted to..."

"Anything. I'll give you anything..." Bryan gasped.

"I want you..."

"Then have me."

Tala smirked suddenly, an expression Bryan hadn't seen on his face for a while. "Can I have you? Can I have...all of you?" Bryan kissed him again, panting slightly.

"Take me."

"Did you mean that like it sounded? Because it sounded like an invitation to fuck you..." Bryan paused for a second. Did he want this? Was he ready to give Tala his virginity? Was he ready for this? But...it was fast becoming apparent to him that Tala was a finite resource. Tala wanted him...and he kind of liked that. "Do you want it in writing or something?" He asked sarcastically.

Tala shook his head. "Are you sure?"

"No. I'm scared. But I trust you, Tala." He let Tala lead him up to his bedroom and lay him down on the bed, closing his eyes and moaning as Tala touched him all over, hands teasing away his clothes. Fumbling, Bryan's hands found Tala's straps and zips and tore them open, revealing Tala's smooth, beautiful skin.

As the rest of the house slumbered, sounds of desperation, need and passion echoed around Tala's room, reverberating off the walls, followed by screams and moans of pleasure.

* * *

"Bryan?" Bryan mumbled something unintelligible and rolled over. Tala smiled and ran a hand down Bryan's back. He nuzzled and nibbled at Bryan's neck. "I love you."

"I love you too...Tala...last night..." Bryan turned to him, blushing. "I've never...felt that way before..."

"It's been a while. Actually...it's been forever. I don't think I've ever had sex before where I had a choice about it...you were sort of my first..." He smiled. "If I can be this happy for the rest of my life...I can go peacefully, Bryan."

"I want to make you happy Tala..."

Tala looked thoughtful for a second then leaned over the side of the bed and picked up Bryan's trousers, digging out his diary. He lay on his front, flicking through it to somewhere near the middle. He handed it to Bryan and got up. "I'm going to get a shower." Bryan nodded and looked down at the page. It was a list.

"In my life, I want to be fulfilled. There are lots of things I'd like to do before I die. So here's my list:

1) I want to try streaking.

2) I want to be loved.

3) I want to go to a party and dance all night.

4) I want to sing karaoke.

5) I want to be kissed by someone who means it.

6) I want to burn down the abbey.

7) I want to set Wolborg free.

8) I want someone to cook for me.

9) I want to be wanted.

10) I want everyone to know exactly who I am.

11) I want to tell Bryan how I feel.

12) I want someone to surprise me. In a nice way.

13) I want to be happy.

14) I want to be lucky. So I won't leave the list at thirteen.

Bryan smiled and reached over onto the bedside table for a pen. He put a tick next to the numbers two, five, nine, and eleven. He read through the list again another couple of times. He got up and sneaked along the landing to the bathroom, where the sound of the shower hissing loudly reached his ears. He pushed open the door and crept across the room. His hands snaked around the shower curtain and grabbed Tala around the waist, stepping into the shower behind him. Tala jumped and turned, then he leaned against Bryan's chest, laughing. "Cross off number twelve..." He said quietly. "Sneaky git..."

Bryan stroked Tala's wet hair reverently. "Do you have some kind of obsession with my hair?" Bryan shrugged and nuzzled his cheek into Tala's hair.

"I like it." Tala sighed and ran his hands through his hair, pulling out the loose strands. He flicked them from his fingers and sighed.

"Bryan...when I die...I don't want to be buried. I want...to be cremated."

"Oh."

"I want to be cremated...because I can't stand the idea of being in the earth...being buried under feet of dirt and rocks..." He saw the uneasy expression on Bryan's face and sighed again. "I'm sorry Bryan. But I want to tell you everything...if I don't tell you things as I think of them I'll forget...and if I forget I'll never tell you..."

"I don't mind."

"But I know you do..."

"Then I'll make myself not mind. I love you Tala."

* * *

R&R? Please? 


	3. Chapter Three

Hi again! Another chapter for you! And the dedication this time: My friends Peachmelba and Fire Fairy, because they put up with me forcing them to read my fics! I was REALLY mean to Tala in this chapter…but you do get to see Bryan almost naked!

* * *

After a pretty uneventful day, Tala decided to go for a walk. He put on a jacket and left the house. His breath misted before him, and as he strolled away, he didn't see Bryan watching him through an upstairs window. Tala headed for the park, where he'd watched children playing when he'd been younger. He drifted into the playground, looking around sadly at the faded metal and wood. A little girl was sitting on one of the swings. Tala sat on the one beside her. 

He started swinging gently, hands grasping the frosty metal as they had longed to many years ago. His feet left the ground as he pushed himself backwards and forwards. The little girl watched him with sad eyes, then tried to copy him. She was tiny though, so her legs didn't reach the floor. Tala bit his lip then jumped off. It wasn't very high, but the girl stared at him as if he were magical. Tala said nothing, only went behind her swing and pushed it gently. The girl giggled and kicked her legs in a babyish imitation of what Tala had done, her dark hair flying out behind her.

Tala smiled, tears filling his eyes. He wanted suddenly to go back in time and push himself on a swing, and tell himself he would eventually end up happy. The little girl could only have been about eight...maybe six or seven, but near enough to the age Tala had been when his life had fallen apart. "What's your name?" He asked quietly.

"Sofia."

"That's a pretty name."

"My mother gave me it. But she's in heaven so my daddy looks after me. What's your name?"

"Tala." Tala's tears spilled over and he was thankful that Sofia was sitting the other way to him.

"HEY!" Tala turned, searching for the location of the voice. The only other person he could see was a man with a large dog. Sofia turned and waved, but the man kept advancing, waving his fist at Tala angrily. He stepped in front of Sofia, instinctively protecting her. "Who are you?"

"Who am I? I'm her father! So keep your dirty hands away from my daughter you pervert!"

"W-What?" Tala stepped back and tripped over a rock, landing painfully on his back. He found the dog suddenly growling in his face and whimpered. His thoughts snapped onto Bryan, Bryan who would be waiting for him at home... "You've got the wrong idea. I'm not here to...do anything like that. I...I'm...I'm going to die soon. I just wanted to come back here one last time..." He couldn't stop the slight tremor in his voice. "She couldn't swing herself...and I remembered how much...I wanted someone to do that for me..." A tear dripped down his face. "Please leave me alone...please..."

"I don't believe you. You're just another lying pervert!" The dog got closer, its foul breath making Tala gag. He looked up at Sofia and started to cry for real, lying on his back and sobbing brokenly. He felt like such an idiot; crying on front of two people he'd never met, one of them a child. Sofia knelt down beside him and patted his head, ignoring her father when he ordered her away. All too soon she was hugging him, and he felt like a monster for inflicting his own misery upon someone so young.

"Tala? Tala, is that you?" A familiar voice. Tala looked up and found Kai there. He struggled to his knees and let Kai pick him up as Rei glared at Sofia's father. "I don't know what you've done to him, but I'll take him now."

"Don't you dare! He's a pervert and a bastard and I want him punished as so!"

"Pervert?"

"He was seducing my daughter!"

Tala snivelled and choked. "I wasn't! She couldn't swing...and it made me remember..." Kai nodded sombrely.

"I'm afraid you don't understand. Whatever Tala may be he isn't a pervert. You ask for punishment, but maybe you deserve it. He's dying. And you can't even let him remember in peace. Maybe it's you who's the bastard here." He hefted Tala into his arms and walked away. "Tala, are you okay?" Tala sniffed and sobbed pathetically.

"I only wanted to help her swing...she looked so sad...she was just like I used to be..."

It was a good thing Tala hadn't walked very far, because Kai had run out of things to say. He kicked at the door of the Blitzkrieg team's house and Bryan opened the door with a smile. His smile turned to horror and he pulled Tala out of Kai's grip and held him tightly. "Tala, what's wrong?" He asked softly, moving aside to let Kai in. Tala wailed against his chest as they stood in the hall in the exact same place where they'd kissed the night before. Bryan carried Tala into the kitchen and sat him on a chair, kneeling down and taking his hands as Kai tactfully put the kettle on.

"What's the matter, Tala?"

"I went to the park, Bryan..." Tala slid off the chair and onto Bryan's lap, seeking comfort. "There was a girl there and her father said I was...was a pervert...he wanted to kill me..."

"What! Where is he!" Exploded Bryan, furious. Tala shook his head.

"Kai came and found me..."

Bryan hugged Tala and then drew his hands away, looking puzzled. "You're all wet, Tala..."

"I fell over." Kai put two mugs of tea down beside them and walked to the door.

"I'll call back later." Bryan nodded at him and took Tala upstairs, hearing the door slam shut below them. He sat Tala on his bed and got out a fresh set of clothes, stripping Tala as he slowly stopped crying. "Tala...I'm sorry. I was going to come with you, but...I was trying to find a recipe I actually understood."

Suddenly Tala's misery was gone. "Oh Bryan..." He bounced up off the bed and kissed Bryan, taking hold of Bryan's collar and pulling him closer. Bryan laughed and pulled away. "You're wet and you're naked. Get dry, and get some clothes, or you'll end up in bed ill and then you won't be very happy."

* * *

The next two weeks passed too fast for Tala's liking. He felt as if his life was becoming one big countdown, and it unnerved him. But every morning, and every night, when he lay in Bryan's arms, he felt as if he was happy. Exactly fifteen days after after the incident in the park, Tala woke to find himself alone in bed. He sat up, almost scared. He looked around the room carefully, expecting Bryan to be hiding somewhere to surprise him. But as his eyes swept across the pale blue walls he realised that Bryan simply wasn't there. 

He huddled up under the blankets, wondering why Bryan had left him. A thousand paranoid thoughts rushed into his mind and he covered his head with the blanket. Maybe Bryan had left him...maybe he had finally realised that he could do better...maybe he was in love with someone else...maybe-

"Tala? What do you like on your pancakes?" Tala poked his head out of the duvet and looked up at Bryan in wonder. Bryan was currently sporting nothing but a pair of black boxers and an apron. The overall effect was almost...kinky, considering the apron was red and slightly shiny. He was holding out a tray full of plates- pancakes and croissants and flapjacks and juice. Bryan scratched his nose, smearing flour onto it. Tala laughed and sat up, brushing the flour off.

Bryan handed him the tray and lay down next to Tala as he attacked his breakfast. "I was going to try soufflé, but I realised that that meant I actually needed to be able to cook...after a while of trying to find easy things to cook I've come to the conclusion that I'm a culinary failure."

"Tst gd."

"Hm?" Tala gulped down his mouthful and smiled.

"I said it tastes good." Tala continued his assault on the food until he licked off the last crumb off the last plate. He stretched over and put it down, then ran a hand up Bryan's apron. "Love the look."

"I thought you would...you flapjack abuser..."

"But they were very -good- flapjacks." Tala said, licking his lips. "My compliments..." He said, stroking his hand over the front of Bryan's boxers. "To the chef..."

When Spencer passed the room shortly after, the moans and muffled laughs were enough to convince him that it would be wiser to -not- open the door.

* * *

Kai came round again much later that night, and produced from the deep recesses of one of his pockets a large bottle of vodka. From the other, he pulled another bottle of vodka, and waved them both at Tala invitingly. "Any takers?" Tala grinned and snatched one of the bottles, opening it and gulping down a couple of mouthfuls. 

Before very long all of the Blitzkrieg boys including Kai were lying on the floor of the living room in various states of comatose bliss. Tala lay limply, head pillowed on Bryan's chest, one arm over Kai's waist, one over Ian's back. Spencer was lying over Ian's legs, one arm over Tala's. Tala felt somehow happy...but also indescribably sad. To think that he would have to leave all of this behind...

A sudden image of Bryan crying made him burrow his face into Bryan's fur. Bryan grunted, and Tala felt reassured. But still there was a dull ache in his mind, one that no amount of alcohol could remove or even reduce. He was dying. Even as he lay there, things were happening inside him that he couldn't understand or explain. He was going to die...and he didn't want to. He shifted, pulling all of his friends closer. Maybe he didn't want to die, but he knew he was going to, and he was going to make damn sure he had fun before he went!

* * *

He spent the next day recovering from his blistering hangover, all the while thinking 'I've wasted a day. I only have so many left and I've wasted one...' Although he had to admit that being snuggled up in bed with Bryan all day had its merits...considering that Bryan wasn't half as badly afflicted as Tala and so had the energy to stroke Tala's skin as if it were made of gold, treating him as if he were about to break. But...Tala knew he was breaking. Breaking up from the inside out. And... 

"They said I'll either stop breathing or my heart will stop beating. And there's nothing anyone can do about it. They want me to go into hospital...in three weeks..."

He heard Bryan sigh and felt a hand graze over his chest, digging under his body and pulling him closer. "Do you have any matches?"

"Hnh?"

"Do you have any matches, or do we have to buy some? I don't know what's left of the abbey but if it's there and it burns, we're burning it tomorrow."

"Mm. Can we just stay in bed for the rest of today? I don't feel like getting up..."

"Whatever you want, Tala." Tala stretched and rested his hand on Bryan's arm, teasing his fingers up it gently. "Hey, that tickles!" Tala ignored him and continued, moving his fingers up towards Bryan's neck. Before he reached it he found himself on his back, being tickled mercilessly. He squealed and giggled, laughing until his sides ached. "Bryan-" He begged breathlessly. Bryan stopped his onslaught and sat there, enjoying the sight of Tala flushed and breathless.

Tala suddenly reached out and grabbed Bryan around the waist, yanking him down into a bear hug that threatened to completely squeeze the air from his lungs. "I love you Bryan."

"Kgh!" Tala's grip lessened marginally. "I love you too. When you aren't trying to kill me..." Tala's smile began to fall away and Bryan felt like hitting himself. "Tala..."

"No...it's okay...it's just...I keep remembering how little time I have left...and yet there's so much I want to do..."

"I'll do anything. You know that."

"I know...I'm so grateful..."

Bryan felt a lump appear in his throat and swallowed around it. Every time something like that happened...every time Tala said something like that...he felt as if he would gladly give his soul if it meant Tala could live. The strength of his feelings surprised him, and the pain he felt every time he thought about Tala's imminent death was also surprising. He hadn't thought that emotions could actually physically hurt, but Tala seemed to be able to make his chest ache with both sadness and joy. His eyes burned and he took a deep breath, trying to take back control of himself.

"Bryan?"

"Y-Yeah?" Tala looked up into his eyes.

"I don't want you to cry about me..."

"Tala..." Bryan felt like some kind of traitor as he bowed his head, letting his hair hide his tears. "I'm sorry...but I think that's the one thing I can't do for you. I-If you don't want to see, I'll-"

"No." Tala whispered. "I'm so selfish Bryan...I keep thinking about myself and how I feel...I keep forgetting that...that...you'll all still be here...when I go..." He held Bryan tightly as he cried, letting go of all the hideous feelings he'd been harbouring, pain from the abbey, pain for all the hate he'd been forced to feel, but even more pain for the fact that he was in love, and the person he loved was doomed to die. There was anger too- anger that Tala had to suffer, that Tala was being dragged into something he had never wanted, had never asked for, and frustration at the fact that he couldn't do anything...that the self same body he loved and cherished was killing itself and he couldn't do anything about it.

"I don't want to lose you Tala...but I know I'm going to...I love you so much...it...it hurts..."

"I know." Tala choked. "I know..."

They lay together, bodies intertwined, enveloped in mutual pain and fear.

* * *

Please review! I'd like to know what you think so far! 


	4. Chapter Four

My friend Peachmelba says I should dedicate this chapter to Teen Titans. She's trying to pretend she's not obsessed, but really she is. Anyway, after that moment of randomness, here is the new chapter:

* * *

Tala fingered the packet of matches in his pocket as they looked over the abbey from outside. Bryan stood behind him, watching silently, mind full of his own painful memories of the place. However, after reading Tala's diary, he knew that Tala's time here had been far worse. The abbey was deserted nowadays; abandoned, left to rot in the outskirts of Moscow. Together they walked inside, feet clicking along the silent corridors. Bryan knew instantly where Tala was headed, and had a good idea of why.

The 'guest' room of the abbey was basically Voltaire's room- the abbey never had any guests other than him. It only had prisoners, and none of them were welcome to stay in the luxury the room still contained. Tala's eyes gazed around, empty, flickering over the blood-red decor. Maybe it had been irony on Voltaire's part, choosing that colour for his room, but whatever it had been, it was still torturing Tala, even now.

One hand closing reassuringly over his shoulder made him turn. "He raped me. So many times..." His voice rose to a pained whine and he collapsed to his knees. "He made me his whore...his own personal, private whore...and he made me keep quiet about it..." Bryan sat on the floor beside him and Tala crawled into his lap. "Sometimes...he would...would invite..." Tala burst into noisy sobs that rang out loudly in the silent room. Bryan caught the word 'Boris' and understood.

Tala's intense hatred of the abbey became clearer- he was assaulted in training, experimented on by scientists, then at night while the others slept he became the abbey rent-boy. Bryan cursed himself for never wondering why Tala had so many bruises, for never enquiring as to why he always had bags under his eyes, why he always wore sleeves and would never let anyone see him naked...if he had asked...maybe...

"You couldn't have changed it..."

"But..."

Tala shook his head. "Don't think it could have been any different. He...he was sick. I'm glad he died. A heart attack was too quick a death for him...he was...sick...sick and twisted..." Tala produced the matches from his pocket and stood up. Bryan followed him to his feet. "Now?" Tala nodded and opened the box of matches. His slender fingers dipped in and plucked one out, twirling it before his eyes. With a casual flick he lit it, threw it onto the curtains almost carelessly. They caught fire almost instantly as Tala struck another match and another, until the room was blazing.

Bryan took his arm and dragged him away as the flames raged, scared Tala would become so enthusiastic about burning his bad memories away he would end up burning himself away in the process. They could hear the sound of crackling as they broke into a run. It was like escaping all over again, and as they burst out of the front doors they found Ian and Spencer waiting for them. Giddy with their daring, they all watched as flames spiralled through the abbey, engulfing and consuming it.

They watched it crumble, feeling inexplicably free. Now there was no more rock to hold down their memories, nothing to keep them living in the past, nothing to see but ruins of a long passed terror. Tala clutched Bryan's hand tightly, watching smoke roll up into the sky. "Never again." He whispered resolutely. "Never again." Bryan understood.

"It's finally gone..." The Blitzkrieg boys turned to find Kai behind them, tears running down his face. Tala gave up Bryan's hand and wrapped his arms around Kai, who had suffered in the same way he had. "Never again..." He repeated. "They can never touch us again, Kai..." He could feel Kai shaking, and he knew it wasn't because of the cold; Kai was wearing a thick coat and a jumper. It was fear, a nameless fear that only this place had the power to inspire. But now it was collapsing, crumbling and breaking before their eyes.

They went back to their house together, at last feeling fully liberated.

* * *

Tala scrubbed shampoo through his hair then washed it out, craning his head around under the showerhead to get rid of the suds. He stood under the shower for a minute more and then hopped out, snatching up a towel from the rack. He dried himself absently, preoccupied, then dropped the towel and switched off the shower. He breezed out onto the landing and found Bryan waiting for him at the top of the stairs, a lazy grin on his face. Tala ignored his appreciative gaze and walked past him.

"Come if you're coming." He said, knowing full well that Bryan would come, forced to by a mix of protectiveness and perversion. Bryan followed him to the door, then put his foot in front of it as Tala went to open it. "Tala, are you sure about this? People might...you know. And you might get ill, and-"

"Bring the date forward?"

Bryan gasped and moved, hurrying after Tala as he walked out into the front street, absolutely stark naked. Strangely enough, Bryan didn't mind just walking along with Tala. Quite the opposite- he liked it. It gave him a nice view of Tala's backside, and for that he was glad. They walked along a few streets, earning a few incredulous looks from people, then Bryan started to notice a blue-ish tinge in Tala's skin. "Tala..."

"I'm bloody freezing..." Tala said, forcing his teeth to stop chattering. Bryan took one look at his shivering form, and Tala's words echoed in his ears. 'Bring the date forward?' He stripped off his jacket and draped it around Tala's shoulders.

"Come on. You've done as you wanted. Now lets get back..."

"Bryan..."

"Tala, no matter how much you don't care about it, I'm not going to let you cut your time short by getting ill." He picked Tala up and slung him over his shoulder, more out of a desire to hide his tears from Tala than anything else.

By the time they got back, Tala was shivering uncontrollably and Bryan was terrified. He put Tala to bed and draped all the blankets in the house over him, squashing him in with all the hot water bottles he could find. As an added measure and also a comfort to himself he slid into bed beside Tala, encircling the redhead in a warm embrace. "Tala..."

"Shh." Tala nuzzled into him, lips grazing over Bryan's neck and collarbone. "I'm sorry for scaring you...I'm sorry for saying what I said...but if I don't put a brave face on it I feel as if I'll just...fade away..."

Bryan tightened grip on Tala's slim waist and shook his head violently. "You'll never fade Tala. You're too real to fade..."

"Am I too real to die?"

"Tala..."

"You can't hold me forever, Bryan..."

"I'm not asking for forever. I'm asking for as long as I can have...even though I know that's not very long at all..." Tala nodded.

"I'm yours for as long as I have left..."

Somehow it was a scant comfort.

* * *

"Tala...what are you writing?" Tala slammed his notebook shut.

"Nothing."

"It's not nothing, I'm not blind. What is it?" Bryan reached for the book, then overbalanced and fell off the sofa as Tala snatched it away from him.

"You can't read it. Not yet..."

"Why?" Asked Bryan, moving back up onto the sofa and leaning over Tala's outstretched legs. Tala shook his head.

"You'll find out when you find out, so there's no use asking until then." Tala slipped the notebook under the sofa and slid the pen alongside it. "I mean it Bryan. I really don't want you to read it. It's for...after..."

Bryan felt his mouth go dry at Tala's words. It was just under a week before Tala had to go into hospital, and Bryan knew he couldn't keep trying to push Tala's fate away, but it still hurt, and it hurt more every day. But his love for Tala grew every day, taking him to levels of happiness he had not imagined ever existing. He felt like a big huge ball of raw emotion, and it scared him and excited him at the same time.

"Anyway, it's Saturday today. I want to go out tonight."

"Yeah...maybe we can find a karaoke bar..."

"Two wishes at once? That would be nice..." Tala sighed and moved off the sofa, onto Bryan's chest. "You've taken me through all of those wishes...and you haven't cared about what kind of trouble it could cause you...I...thank you..."

"You don't have to thank me. I did it out of love, Tala. I want to make you happy. I want you to be happy before you..." He stopped suddenly. The word flickered on the tip of his tongue.

"Say it, Bryan."

"Before you..." There was a pause. "Die." Bryan clapped a hand over his mouth as if he'd somehow said something blasphemous. Tala laid his own hand over it, meshing their fingers and pulling Bryan's hand away, replacing it with his lips. "I love you Bryan."

"I love you too Tala..." He said desperately, feeling as if somehow, love was not enough.

* * *

"T-Tala..." Bryan took one look at Tala and burst into tears. Tala hugged him, flustered.

"Bryan, what's wrong? Bryan?" Bryan didn't reply, only covered his face with his hands. Tala shook him by the shoulders and he looked up, tears cascading over his splayed fingers. He slid his fingers down his face and they came to hang at his sides, curling into fists attempting to channel and control Bryan's raging feelings. "You're so...so beautiful..." He reached out his hands and cupped Tala's cheeks, drawing the redhead into a gentle kiss. Tala relaxed against him, smiling.

"Bryan, come on. Don't cry. We're going out, we're going to dance, and I'm going to find somewhere to sing karaoke!"

That had been two hours ago, and now they were at a disco, surrounded by smoke and flashing lights. Innumerable people came over to Tala and tried to dance with him, but he repelled them all with easy charm. However, when someone tried to do the same to Bryan, he ended up being terrified and blushing. The man was taller than him, tall and slim with well-defined features and expensive clothes. "What's your name?" He asked, a hint of amusement in his musical voice.

"His name is none of your business you fucking whore! Take your face away from my boyfriend unless you want me to rearrange it for you!" Sneered Tala, coming to stand in front of Bryan. Bryan smiled widely. This was Tala again, Tala who was full of fire and spirit, who was indomitable and proud and would never back down. The man glowered then walked away, and Tala grabbed Bryan's arm. "Come on, the bar over the road's doing karaoke!"

"Why do you want to do karaoke anyway?" Asked Bryan as he was dragged back out into the freezing night, watching Tala's shirt being bleached orange by the fluorescent street lamps. Tala shrugged, and dragged him into the dazzlingly bright bar on the other side of the road. Bryan could have sworn the white of Tala's shirt seemed to sparkle. It was a little too white, a little too close to something angelic for Bryan's liking. He tried to distract himself by drinking more vodka as Tala sang and danced on the small stage.

The rest of the night passed in a haze of sound, light, and alcohol, and before Bryan and Tala knew it they were home, in bed, making passionate love to each other as outside the dawn broke.

* * *

Review! Please! Imaginary hugs for all who do! 


	5. Chapter Five

Okay people, last chapter! I might do an epilogue of a few years later, but this is the official last chapter! I'm really proud of this one because it made fire fairy go all teary and she NEVER cries!

* * *

Bryan forced himself to look at the calendar. It was Thursday, and tomorrow, Friday, although not the thirteenth even though that would have been more appropriate, was circled with red marker pen. The single word 'hospital' was written above it in Tala's writing. No matter how hard Bryan tried to convince himself that it was only ink and paper, it was still the kind of ink and paper that carried a death sentence. 

"It won't change no matter how hard you stare at it."

"I know." Bryan turned and smiled strainedly. "It's just...come so quickly...I...you haven't done everything on your list yet..."

"I've done enough. I'm packed, and I'm ready to go. Only...there's one last place I'd like to go..."

"Where?"

Tala produced his beyblade from his pocket. "I want to set him free. He's done so much for me...I can't leave him as a prisoner..." Bryan nodded and pursed his lips in an attempt to stop them from quivering. He took a deep breath and then the pain in his heart became too much to bear and he collapsed to his knees, body shaking with bitter sobs. "I don't want you to go!" He choked. "I want to stay with you forever! It shouldn't have to end like this!"

"Bryan...it has to. There's nothing we can do to change it. I'm not scared of dying any more Bryan, because you've helped me to be happy so I can let go without being afraid..."

"Maybe...I could...after you...I could..."

"No! I know what you're going to say, and I don't want that! I don't want you to commit suicide just to follow me! It's weak and pathetic and I don't want you to!"

"But Tala, how am I going to live without you!" Cried Bryan, voice just short of a scream. Tala hesitated, then knelt down beside him and pulled him over onto himself, letting Bryan burrow his face into his shirt, soaking it with tears. "You'll be okay. It'll take time, but you'll get over me. Everyone'll still be here to help you, and even if...even if I can't be here to hold you, I'll be with you still, no matter what. Love isn't something that you can stop with death. True love lasts forever, beyond life, beyond death..." Tala said quietly, tears beginning to gather in his own eyes. "Come with me. Please..." He pulled Bryan up off the floor and guided him to the back garden, where fresh snow covered the ground.

Tala knelt down and placed his blade on the snow in front of himself. "Goodbye, my friend, and thank you for everything you've done for me..." Bryan knew Tala was talking to Wolborg, but the words were too close to home and he found himself crying again. "You can go now. You can be free. G-Goodbye..." Wolborg erupted out of the blade in a flash of white light and a metallic snapping sound, licked Tala once and then disappeared. Tala stood up, brushed the snow off his knees, and then collapsed onto Bryan.

"Bryan...I...I want to...I want to be with you...now...before...I need..." Bryan knew what he needed, and he knew that he needed it himself. However, this time, it was different. They both knew that it was the last time, and so the need and passion they had started out with doubled and trebled until it became a huge, tangible force, flooding the house with the beautiful bitterness of it all.

* * *

"Tala..." Tala took a deep breath and walked in through the automatic doors, heart hammering. Bryan followed him in, and Spencer and Ian followed behind. The nurse at the front desk was impossibly cheerful, and she somehow managed to depress them all even more, yet all too soon she was gone and they were all in a small white room, and Tala was laid on the bed, hooked up to a monitor. 

He let it all wash over him as if it wasn't real, but for Bryan it was painfully real...to real for him to stand...He almost wanted to leave with Ian and Spencer, but Tala needed him, Tala wanted him to stay, and if Tala wanted it...

"Bryan...I don't know how long I've got now, but I know it could be any time so I want to give you this now." He rummaged in his bag and drew out the notebook he had forbidden Bryan to look at. "No." He said as Bryan went to open it. "Wait until after...I'm gone..."

Suddenly here, in hospital, it was just too real. Tala was leaving him. Tala was going to die. It had seemed like a dream before, but seeing Tala's pale skin against equally pale sheets, seeing him surrounded by monitors...it was just too much. Bryan moved up the bed and laid his head in Tala's lap, completely at the mercy of his tears. "I love you Tala...I love you so much..."

"I love you too Bryan...will you stay with me? Until..." Suddenly Tala was no longer fearless, he could no longer say the word as he had done before. When it all came down to it, he was still young, and he still didn't want to die, regardless of whether or not he accepted it. "Stay with me..." He begged. Bryan nodded helplessly, and after that refused to leave Tala's side. For the next few days, no matter what tests they ran, and no matter who visited, Bryan was beside him, always in some way touching Tala.

* * *

A week after Tala had first gone into hospital, Bryan was still by his side. The Bladebreakers were visiting, and Tala was smiling happily as he and Kai and Bryan reminisced about the old days. As the time wore on, he began to feel strangely tired, as if someone were pulling his lungs apart. He swallowed, suddenly stuck in a grip of terror so fierce he shook violently. "I-I...would you mind going? I...I feel tired..." With mixed expressions of sympathy and sorrow the Bladebreakers wished him goodbye, knowing somehow that it would be for the last time. Before he left Kai came over to Tala and kissed him on both cheeks. "Goodbye Tala, my brother."

Tala nodded. "Goodbye...tell Spencer and Ian...I'm sorry...I didn't get to see them..." Kai left and Tala turned to Bryan, his cheeks awash with tears.

"Bryan...I love you..." He could feel that tug at his lungs again, stronger than before. "I love you...you are more dear to me than anything...I love you...I'm sorry I have to leave you...I love you..."

"Tala..." A strange calm fell over Bryan as he cradled Tala in his arms. "I love you too. I love you more than I could possibly ever love anyone else..."

"It hurts..." Bryan nodded sadly, then leaned forwards, capturing Tala's lips in a tender kiss. Tala felt another sharp tug and gasped, clutching at Bryan's shoulders viciously. Bryan didn't break off the kiss, just raised a hand and placed it on Tala's chest, calming him. All too soon Tala's grip lessened, and his lips ceased to respond. Bryan laid him down on the bed and took a few deep steadying breaths. He opened the book Tala had given him.

"Bryan,

I love you. That's all I can think of to say. That, and I'm always with you. This book is a diary of the last weeks we spent together, just in case you ever want to remember. I love you so much, Bryan, and I would have given anything to change what happened...anything to still be with you. I just want you to know that you fulfilled more of my wishes than you thought you did. All the time I spent with you...I was happy...and by being happy, even with the prospect of death facing me, I felt lucky. You were the best thing that ever happened to me, and these last few weeks have made up for every single bad thing that ever happened to me and then some. From now on, I want you to make yourself happy. I don't want you to brood about me- I want you to live your life and be as happy as you possibly can be.

You made my wishes come true Bryan...now it's time to make your own come true.

Yours forever,

Tala"

Bryan nodded. "I'll try." He got up and walked out. Somehow, inexplicably, everyone was outside in the corridor. He took a deep breath, then found tears dripping down his face. "He's gone..." He sagged, and someone held him up. He cried heartbrokenly, clutching at whoever it was. "He's gone...but he was h-happy..." Everyone clamoured around him, supporting him as he wept. Inside the room, Tala lay, finally at peace.

* * *

A couple of months later, a man was rifling through some books in a bookshop. He glanced over the new books display, and one caught his eye. The spine said 'I'm Not Afraid.' He picked it up and looked at the back, checking the quotes. 'A true tale of overcoming adversary.' read one. 'This story made me cry...it was so moving...' read another. 

He turned the book over and was confronted by a photo on a red background. Defiant blue eyes stared out at him from under a wave of fiery red hair. 'I'm Not Afraid' It said at the top. 'The diary of Tala Ivanov' He opened the first page and found the dedication.

'Tala was my best friend and the love of my life. Before he died, he gave me a list of wishes he wanted me to help him fulfil. There was only one I never managed. He wanted everyone to know exactly who he was. So here you go. Meet Tala Ivanov.'

* * *

Many miles away, a press conference was raging. 

"So you and Mr. Ivanov were lovers?"

"Yeah."

"And how would you describe the last weeks you spent with him?"

"Heaven and hell at the same time."

"What do you think Mr. Ivanov would say if he were here?"

Bryan smiled, the first smile to grace his face in months. "I think he'd tell me to stop wasting my time here and go and do something interesting. So see you later." He stood up and pushed his chair back, leaving the crowd of journalists to squabble among themselves. He walked through the streets until he came to a park. He looked around it sadly and then went over and sat on a swing, pushing himself backwards and forwards thoughtfully. The swing creaked, and reminded him sharply of Tala and Wolborg. He put his hand into his pocket and his fingers closed over cold metal.

"I think it's time we started training again, Falborg..."

fin

* * *

R&R! Please! 

To Gabz and Xanae...I asked a few people what they thought about you translating this fic and they agreed with me- it would be really nice, so long as you put the address for it in one of my review pages so I can link to it on my bio. I'm glad you think it's good enough to translate! (Fire Fairy and Peachmelba say that I have to make sure you credit the story to me, but I thought you'd do that anyway...) Anyway, any questions, just hit the review button!


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